No Gratitude Sunday post today because I am participating in Brenda Drake‘s Show Me the Voice Blogfest. (btw, Happy Birthday Brenda!) Here’s how it works: Participants post the first 250 words of a completed mss. Blog followers and other participants can provide critiques (keeping them helpful and focused on voice) in the comments. On March 22, we will incorporate any changes from the critiques and email the final 250 words to Brenda. A panel of peer judges will choose the best 20, and will then forward them to agent Natalie Fischer, of Bradford Literary Agency, who is always on the lookout for writing with great voice. Natalie will then choose three winners, who will win critiques of their mss or queries.
Here is my entry. For full disclosure, I must tell you that I am both under the weather and on a spring break ski trip with my kids. Therefore, I may not get to provide as many reciprocal critiques as I otherwise would. But I promise to do my best. Thanks in advance to anyone who takes a crack at this!
Name: Julie Hedlund
Genre: Picture Book Fiction
Ginny McMaudy loved all kinds of thrills,
Like riding her bike over towering hills,
Smacking a cannonball into the pool,
Swashbuckling swords in a pirate ship duel.
Turning a cartwheel with balance and grace.
Fooling the pitcher and stealing third base.
Just one kid matched Ginny for courage and pluck —
Her brother, advantaged by height and good luck.
Ginny thought, I can do anything Brian can do.
But deep down inside she knew this wasn’t true.
Because one thrill he’d had that she wanted to try?
An amusement park ride with a track to the sky.
So she raced Brian down to the Beck’s County Fair,
And waited in line for a ‘coaster called DARE.
Brian said, “Shorty, you won’t get to ride.”
“Just watch me,” said Ginny, and shoved him aside.
Ginny was crushed when she got turned away.
Worse, she watched Brian ride ten times that day.
Denied her first ride… what a whale of a bummer.
She grumbled, but vowed to grow tall by next summer.
“I might need to try an enchantment or two,
Or whip up a potion of TALLESTNESS brew…”
Ginny tried every known type of elixir.
Not even one of them managed to fix her.
She chanted a growth spell while waving her arms.
She dug a deep hole and buried six charms.
She danced round in circles; her head got all buzzy.
She read books about tallness; Her eyeballs went fuzzy.
One book advised, “To grow tall like Paul Bunyan,
Try bathing in fruit juice or suck on an onion…
So, lay it on me. What do you think?Categories: Agents, Children's Books, Picture Books, Publishing, Queries, Rhyming, Writing · Tags: Agents, Blogfest, Bradford Literary Agency, Brenda Drake, Children's Books, Critiques, Natalie Fischer, Picture Books, Publishing, Show Me the Voice Blogfest, Voice, WIP, Writing